I was a victim of child abuse from both parents and then was a victim of sexual abuse in my own home by a friend of my parents. When the sexual abuse came to light I was so ashamed of everything, I was from a very religious family, to the point that when my mother found out she said it would have been better if I had died protecting my virginity than allowing this to happen to me. 

I decided to take things into my own hands. I started by going to my family doctor to get an STI panel done, my parents never even thought about the idea of doing that and I was far too ashamed to ask my parents to take me. This step required courage and a sense of independence, as well as the financial ability to access healthcare services without parental involvement. My family doctor diagnosed me at that time with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) major depression disorder (MDD) and generalized anxiety disorder and helped me once I turned 16 to go behind my parent’s back to start counselling.

I went to several different therapists over the next twenty years. I saw one for a few years and worked on basic self-esteem and coping techniques for my mental health issues. Once I left for university I saw a proper psychologist and continued to do work disabling the shame I was feeling. The cost of these services added up over the years, requiring me to carefully prioritize my finances to afford ongoing therapy and self-care resources. These were necessary investments in my long-term emotional and financial stability.

I worked so hard with my psychologist, I did a lot of soul searching, a lot of challenging the way I felt and was raised. A lot of very uncomfortable journeys and frequently with a lot of tears. I went to  a support group for eating disorders and worked on healing another fractured part of me. I would experience other traumas in my life and other counselors. After I went to university I went and saw a counselor who was very Christian and was able to help me undo much of the religious abuse I sustained. I also invested in self-help books and workbooks, taking a proactive approach to my healing while being mindful of costs.

If a therapist wasn’t helping, I made the difficult decision to move on and find someone who could. The different therapists I saw helped heal the fractured parts of my mind and heart. I explored different types of therapy and supplemented my sessions with self-directed learning. By the time I moved back home, I had officially overcome generalized anxiety disorder. While PTSD and depression remain a part of my life, their impact diminishes with each passing year as I continue to work on myself.

This journey required not only emotional resilience but also financial resilience. Therapy, support groups, and healing resources all came with costs that needed to be managed carefully. Prioritizing my mental health meant learning to allocate funds effectively, ensuring that I could continue my progress without financial instability.

Today, I still see a therapist and continue to grow as a person. One of my proudest achievements is being a parent who provides my children with a childhood they won’t need to recover from. None of this would have been possible without naming and not shaming my battles and opening myself up to recovery and growth. Name. Don’t Shame.